写作批改
书面表达 （本题15分）
假设你是Li Ming，本周末班里举行英语角活动，用英语讨论游泳安全问题。请你用英语写一篇简短发言稿。
要点如下：
1、 游泳有益健康；但有些地方不安全；
2、 不要独自到江河游泳；应有家人或朋友陪伴；
3、 游泳前做好准备工作，不要仓促下水；
4、 游泳时相互关照；时间不要太长。
5、 写一至两点个人建议。
Fellow students,
We all know that swimming is good for our health. But some places are not safe for us to swim in. Swimming in the river is not allowed. We should go swimming with our parents or friends. Before swimming, we can do some exercise to get ready for it. Do not fall into the water in a hurry. We’d better look after each other while swimming. And we can’t swim too long in the water. In my opinion, Students had better go to the swimming pool instead of swimming in the river.
批语：
1、全篇没有语法错误。句子均很完成。
2、通篇给人的感觉是“要点”的汉译英。此乃一大忌。
3、句子间衔接与过度不圆滑。
We all know that swimming is good for our health, but some places are not safe for us.
4、尽量用并列：We’d better go swimming in the company of our parents or friends for it’s dangerous to do that in the river
5、学会多种用法：In order to adapt to the water temperature, the bodies need some pre-exercises to keep us from being sick. That’s to say, jumping into the water in a hurry will make something unexpected happen to us.
6、swim全文出现9次，显得累赘。要善于避免和替代。
7、用从句Such activity, during which we ought to take good care of one another, mustn’t take too long.
8、In a word, as for swimming I prefer the pool to the river.
